No Time for Fashion

Fortunately, zubat broke my fall. Even more fortunately, my fall broke zubat. The mangled corpse look is a good one for her. But really, this is no time for fashion. There’s a bloodthirsty dark wizard on my trail and it’s high time I got the hell out of Dodge. I have had it up to here with ghosts and cultists and truancy officers and socialists and basically every stupid thing the city of nostalgic scents decided to throw at me. Fuck heroism. As far as I’m concerned, these simpletons can save themselves. Rattata and I are outa here. Zubat gets left behind. I’m tired of dealing with her shit.

What I really need right now is a fresh start. A really fresh start. We’re not talking new page here; I need a whole new book. And I think I know where to find one. I head south. Yep, things are looking up for… Ruins of Alph? The hell? The pokedex must be screwing with my inner navigation system ‘cause I’m pretty sure I was trying to get to a book binding, not a boy scout jamboree in retard cave. My fists clench around the empty air. Where’s zubat? I need something to redirect my frustration onto.

Oh wait. The whole “abandoned in a death-pit” deal. Right.

Cranky and confused, I decide to ask for directions. The person I talk to is less than helpful. He asks me if I’ve been to the Pokemon Gym. Likely he has noticed my rippling pecs. Who wouldn’t? I explain that gyms are not my scene. I’m just naturally buff. Check out these guns. I’ve got a fucking armada attached to my shoulders. I call them Rock and Solid. Illegal protein use? I never did any protein. Those rumors are baseless and malicious. I don’t know how they got started, but it’s time to lay them to rest.

God, this guy’s just been talking the whole time. Blah blah blah like it’s all about him. Sounds like someone needs to learn some manners. But I’m merciful. I’m magnanimous. I’ll listen, even if just out of sheer boredom. He keeps going on about Pokemon Gym like that didn’t get old a whole five minutes ago.

Hold on a second. It’s a right of passage? Well that’s different. You know I’m down with that. I’m all about passing rites and such. This is probably where it all begins. It’s the pokemon equivalent of pubic hair.

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~ by Grell on May 12, 2009.

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